All I can really say is...it wasn't good.

Disappointment, discouragement and well, feeling like winter will never end. February has been a tough one and just before leaving for the gym Wednesday evening...I thought, I'll run a report of my logs...just see where I am for this month.

Feb, R U ARY? Mrs. Hudson (my 2nd grade teacher) I cannot get that out of my mind when I think how to spell this month...thank you! :)

Anyway, February uh, stunk and is stinking. I did half of the miles I did in January. Stinking HALF!

This is where Bingham's DEDICATION is going to kick in. This is what I need: some dedication, some love for myself to keep going...

Do I love running any less? No. Am I sick of winter and feeling 'old and cold'? Uh..yeah. I'm there.

So Wednesday night's run well...it was a tangled mess. My Shuffle gave out at the tail end of my run when I really needed the musical motivation (I swear I charged that thing). So I elliped in silence next to a cussing teenager and her boyfriend discussing how she thinks she's soooo fat after not working out for 4 days. I really wanted to tell her the truth and in love...but I did not. I actually sat there and prayed for her...Abba's a tricky one...he turned my heart right around. Matter of fact, and no I am  not pious in the least...but I pray for lots of people when I'm at the gym...the slow guy on the tready, the fast guy who is really really going so fast that he might fall off and then stops after 6 minutes...I pray because we're all in there with fragile egos trying to take care of ourselves. Did I ever mention how absolutely distracting the gym is for me? ;)

So...I just kept talking to Abba. I really had to concentrate on Abba because I didn't have my soundtrack to my run. It was not good, Folks. I still talk to Abba with the soundtrack but I seem to be able to stay the course a little more easily with the soundtrack, kapish?

But I eeked out my 4.25 in the fashion I do. A little walking, a glob of running and just over a smidge of the ellip. I see the value in the ellip, it's just so...well, awkward.

Pre-workout, I also looked at my pocket calendar where I had mapped out my goals for 4/25 Memorial Marathon...okay, NOT the marathon, the 5k is still what I'm doing...but I looked and by March 1st I was to be up to 4.5. Man, I'm so close.

Originally I intended this to be running the full 4.5. I've had an honest talk with myself...I will injure myself if I do that right now, I don't have the muscle base as of yet. I'm tempering my goals with reality or I'll go nuts.

But what I DO KNOW is that I can run the full 3.1 miles. I can. I'm ready, WOW, I'm ready.

I see the value however in the cross training and although it's not my favorite part, it's there and I need to really consider ramping it up. Push ups and sit ups...oh yeah...I don't like that part so much but it's all about the run so I really need to get pumped about pumping up! I'm not gonna get pumped up though..I do know that. I am  not destined for body building at all...that will not happen...yuck for me. Yay for those that love it.

PILATES...I think it's gonna be key for me. I like PILATES. I can do PILATES. Sorry, random thought there...

So back to my half the amount of miles as compared to January. Ultimately, I gave myself a pep talk after this deep, dark discovery. I said...Hey You! You only ran half what you did in January...but hey You, last February, you didn't run squat! You're doing great!

I just have to convince myself that I feel that! Which usually involves a lot of self-talk...self-talk I think is key for me and maybe for you...please self-talk to yourself and be kind and gentle...think about how Abba would talk to you (He does you know, not audibly, I need audible sometimes)...He'd be uber positive and loving YET a motivator and a little tough too, he's Abba, tough love...uh, that was HIS IDEA...ask him to guide you with it. It's completely wonderful.

Recently a fellow running warrior put something on my FB page...she said it reminded her of me...and well, it touched my heart...here it is.

It's from the Tortoise and the Hare:

"He [tortoise] never gave up and he never looked back. He just kept his sights on his goals..."

"You are so very fast", said the tortoise to the hare, "I surely can't keep up your pace. I go steady and slow, with my eyes on my goal, and I win almost every race"

Thank you KP!

Why does that bring tears to my eyes!?!

Running is such a parallel to our lives...it really is and I'm thanking God for it in my life.

Happy Running!